Over this past weekend, my family and friends threw me the best grad party a girl could ever ask for. They definitely had my heart (and stomach, of course) full from all the candy, mimosas, food, and endless amounts of love that day. If I am going to be honest, I for sure was not a huge fan of the idea of having a party because I just felt like I had too much on my plate. When my mom first proposed the idea, I was probably at one of the lowest points I have ever been in. I was constantly crying, which made it very hard for me to get anything done. I was constantly wondering what went wrong and why I was so heartbroken. And, stupidly, I was constantly hoping that I would hear from my ex again. All my mind and heart wanted at the time was some sign of relief. Something that would help me just breathe again.
Before the party, most discussions with my family and friends were about how I was doing, how I was feeling, and how my eating was going. It was very obvious that I wasn’t at my best, which is why I was constantly being questioned. Because of this, I felt ashamed, like I was doing something wrong. All I could think about was what people would say to me. I didn’t want it to bother me in any way nor did I want it to affect my mom. I have this huge fear of the unknown, which is why I was beyond skeptical about a party being about me. I wasn’t ready to be questioned nor was I ready for something to be all about Cwissy.
Looking back on it, I realize why I truly needed this party. It was my time, my moment. I mean, I graduated college (6 years later) and genuinely deserved this attention. I spent over a year loving myself less and less and putting all my attention on someone who clearly did not matter. Celebrating with my family and my best friends was probably one of the best days I’ve had in awhile. That day, I had zero worries. And, I think that’s why my mom wanted me to have this party. I needed a day where my breakup was irrelevant, my eating disorder was irrelevant, and my anxiety wasn’t racing.
All I know is, I’m going to keep listening to my boo Drake and keep the family close.