Last year was wild to say the least. And, the worst part of it all, is I forgot that my feelings mattered, too. You see, I have this semi-strange relationship with myself and the world. I weirdly hate people, but weirdly want to constantly please them at the same time. Somedays, I think I’m actually winning in all of this. Then, come those off days where I just don’t think I’m ever going to be okay. I mean, I spent almost two years running after someone, picking up his broken pieces. I spent a prime time in my life wondering when he would take me out to dinner or surprise me with flowers. Unfortunately, I spent almost two years forgetting to take a minute to just be me.
Recently, my parents went on a little vacay while I stayed home to be sister-of-the-year for the pups. While they were gone, I got a text from my dad that thanked me for taking care of his sons and thanked me for being such an awesome daughter (I swear that’s what he said). I gave him the usual “don’t worry, I take tips” response. He wasn’t thrilled with my reply because he knows how awful I am with accepting compliments. Another text came in that read, “You’re a superstar. When someone compliments you, you don’t ignore it”.
I cannot lie, when you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t ever try to reassure you that you are good enough or try to make you feel beautiful for even a split second, it doesn’t really help your self-confidence. Of course, someone can’t define your purpose and that’s where Christina 2.0 slowly comes in. I’m taking this entire post-breakup journey as a serious time to get my shit together (like Drake). I’m trying my absolute best to do one thing everyday that helps me love myself just a little bit more and more. Accepting compliments is a big game-changer for Cwissy. It’s a ridiculously uncomfortable one for me, but I know this is part of my personal growth and recovery. I need to learn to love myself even if it isn’t every second of every day.