It’s me again—
Let’s be real, my last post was not something I was stoked to talk about. I don’t enjoy being vulnerable and I definitely don’t enjoy how everything has turned me into someone I barely want to be around sometimes. But, if I’ve taken one positive thing away from any of it is that I really do want to be completely in control of my life. It really isn’t about pleasing someone else anymore. It’s truly time to take advantage of finding my own place in this crazy ass world instead of letting someone determine that for me.
Everyday definitely is getting easier. I know it is because I feel it. I know nothing happens overnight and it is honestly a huge sigh of relief knowing how much my friends and family have been there for me. They haven’t given up on me no matter how much I’ve tried to push them away or give up on myself. I really have won the ultimate lottery with this clique.
So, the first thing I’ve started to take control of are the little things that I’m passionate about, but was never able to show because my feelings were never really a priority. Fashion is something I truly do love. Even if it isn’t a career for me in the future, it will always be apart of me. It’s one thing I’m learning that defines me more and more everyday. I was able to experience “Agenda” in Snoop’s hood. This trade show consisted of a variety of fashion and lifestyle brands, to fashion influencers, to even action sports. Although I went in only knowing a few of the brands, it was still really exciting to be in such an element that thrills me. In addition, I was able to hang out with one of my closest friends, Alyssa (and her boo hehe), and enjoy something that we are both so passionate about together!
Today helped me realize that I really can get myself off Grandma’s couch and experience life the way I want. Even though I still wake up with this draining anxiety, it’s becoming more of a way of life than a burden. And, I’m okay with that. As long as I just keep swimming, I know this will all be worth it.